Please share 20 short and funny stories that will make anyone burst out laughing.

 Alright, buckle up for 20 rapid-fire funny stories designed to get those laughs going!

1. The Forgetful Parrot: A man buys a parrot that only speaks one phrase: "I'm hungry!" He feeds it, but it keeps saying it. Frustrated, he yells, "If you say that one more time, I'll pluck all your feathers!" The parrot says, "Okay... I'm cold and hungry!"
2. The Talking Dog: A dog walks into a telegram office and writes, "Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk says, "That's only three woofs. You could send another for the same price." The dog replies, "But that would make no sense!"
3. The Invisible Man's Job Interview: The interviewer asks, "So, what makes you qualified for this position?" The invisible man replies, "Well, you can't see anyone more dedicated!"
4. The Vegetarian Vampire: A vampire walks into a blood bank and orders a glass of plasma. The nurse asks, "Do you want it in a glass or a box?" The vampire replies, "I'll take it in a box, I'm taking it to go."
5. The Lazy Genie: A man rubs a lamp, and a genie appears. "I'll grant you three wishes!" the genie says. The man replies, "I wish I never had to work again." The genie snaps his fingers. "Granted. You're now unemployed!"
6. The Confused Computer: A computer technician gets a call. "My computer won't turn on," the caller says. "Is it plugged in?" the tech asks. "Yes," the caller replies. "Is the switch on?" the tech asks. "Yes," the caller replies. "Is there a light on the power button?" the tech asks. "Yes," the caller replies, "but it's the refrigerator light!"
7. The Fish Joke: Why don't fish play poker? Too many cheetahs! (Cheaters!)
8. The Lost Tourist: A tourist asks a local, "How do I get to the other side of the river?" The local replies, "You're already on the other side!"
9. The Singing Skeleton: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party? Because he had nobody to go with!
10. The Smart Fly: What do you call a fly without wings? A walk!
11. The Time Traveling Chicken: Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the possum that it could be done.
12. The Accident Prone Ghost: What do you call a ghost that can't see? Blind dead.
13. The Math Teacher: A math teacher sees a student with a pizza. "Are you going to divide that pizza?" the teacher asks. The student replies, "No, I'm going to eat it all by myself." The teacher says, "You're irrational!"
14. The Hypochondriac: A hypochondriac goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I'm turning invisible." The doctor says, "I can't see that happening."
15. The Talking Car: A man walks into a car dealership and says, "I'd like to buy that talking car." The salesman says, "Sorry, sir, it's out of my range."
16. The Frog Parking Ticket: A frog gets a parking ticket. It says, "You're parked in a toad zone."
17. The Hungry Ant: Why did the ant run across the cracker box? Because he wanted to get to the other side!
18. The Scared Tomato: What did the green grape say to the red grape? Breathe, you idiot!
19. The Dog's Homework: My dog ate my homework. I told my teacher, "It was a lab report!"
20. The Broken Pencil: Why was the pencil sad? Because it was pointless.